Saturday, April 2, 2016

Do you think my DeanList status comes like miracle?
Like I am a real genius in language that I don't have to study a shit to get 4 flat?

Do you know how worried I am to see degrading score in my CGPA? Do you know how much I strive for accomplish the scholarship requirement? Do you even notice that??
NO!
YOU ONLY NOTICE THE PART WHEN I GAIN MY SUCCESS!

Do you even realize how did I get my 4 flat score? Because I can concentrate in class and study afterwards.
So what happen now? Let me tell you.
I don't have much time like before. Sorry to say but I was expecting those people who complained about me last time to hold the hard position. Then look, you guys know talk talk talk only, don't even know how to work. You think we all born genius ke? We all learn from mistakes la!

Okay, enough expectations from college. Here comes my parents. You expect me can hold much time in business, can concentrate in my study, can also perform in bureau---- and expect me to be as good as ever??
YOU ARE GIVING ME HARD TIME!
ENOUGH WITH ALL COMMITMENTS I HAD TO SPEND! I AM STRUGGLING TO STUDY AT MIDNIGHT AND STRUGGLING WITH EXHAUSTION TOO. You told me to sleep when I have assignments to finish and you expect me to commit with family when I HAVE DEADLINE TO CATCH! INGAT BUAT TOS SENANG KE?! BUAT QUESTIONNAIRE SENANG KE?!
I WAS HUMILIATED INFRONT OF MY CLASSMATES!!!!!!! DOES ANYOEN EVER KNOW THAT?! NO!! YOU JUST KNOW THE PART THAT I AM DOING WELL, I AM COOL, I CAN HANDLE THIS AND THAT AND YES, you can say I am so childish for getting trouble with things like this and you can also say "At least you have parents" "At least you don't have to work part time" Habis tu, natang bisnes tu bukan part time?
Lecturer and parent can say la student so simple, they just concentrate study. Don't be an asshole boleh tak? Cakap tu biar pikir sikit. Kami bukan zaman Mahathir. Kami bukan zaman takde GST. Sardin tin kecil pun RM7 tau. Maggi cup RM3. All of this affecting us...

2/4

Monday, March 7, 2016

When you are invited to VIP charity event but you are too lazy to go but he is your neighbour and your dad's friend so he can easily know stuff and you are on midterm holiday so you don't have assistant to replace you------ and you have to go because you have a contract binded until the planned event done.
Do you understand how its feel?
To anyone who actually say "Untunglah jadi Ketua Program", I am giving you the opportunity to replace me and fill my attendance. 
All you have to do is smile. Mind your manner because your are representing your team, your stupid awful college so you cannot add more trash-titude after being called as trash. Well, just kidding.
But I dislike my college. Srsly.
Ohyes, I can say NO. It's okay. But not after he had called my dad to propose my attendance.
Yeah, fuck me too because didn't keep the professionalism everywhere.
(I purposely skip meeting on Sunday. Hm.)
Plus, everybody is enjoying their holiday. I have plan for business and things happened. Assignments really get in a place. I cannot get my head on game. Basically, just tired.
Sometimes I need someone to talk, to share my problems without having trust issue... Yeah, I have God. I know. God is enough, they told me.
I also need a feedback from conversation. I talked to God too but then I wish I could have someone to trust too.
Lets not play God. I really get annoyed with people who depends on God without working on their prayer. Then you blame God for it. Funny creature.
Geez...enough rants. I will be staying away from Net for couple of days... don't know.
Kinda lose myself in process of creating my persona.

8/3

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Bila lecturer tanya soalan berkait dengan study aku dan aku tak dapat jawab, walhal dah nak practicum, aku rasa malu sangat-sangat...
"Tak salah nak aktif biro, mantapkan management skill awak tapi awak kena ingat awak pelajar bahasa. Awak akan ditanya berdasarkan bidang awak. Ini paling basic, sem dua dah diajar. Mana boleh lupa."
.......
Hari-hari aku fikir pasal duit dan business. Sengaja sibuk dengan biro dengan harapan aku dapat practicum dekat office...
Aku terlupa tanggungjawab aku, janji aku sebagai pelajar.
Terlalu sibuk mengejar dunia sehingga terlupa ianya persinggahan sementara...
Rasa kecewa dengan diri sendiri.

16/2