Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Siapa kata saya tak pernah repeat paper ? Pernah hokei!
Siapa kata repeaters ni orang yang gagal ? Bohong sama sekali!
[Orang yang gagal ialah mereka yang berhenti berusaha untuk menjadi lebih baik!]
Lecturer saya pernah cakap;
"Kamu dah gagal. Dah gagal! Benda tu dah jadi. Dah terjadi!
Adakah itu bermaksud kamu tiada peluang untuk perbaiki kesilapan kamu ? Tidak! Sebab itu kita buat kelas tambahan. Sebab itu ada peluang repeat paper. Sebab kesilapan itu ada dan itulah lumrah hidup. Move on! Ambil peluang ini untuk perbaiki kesilapan kamu! Apa yang kamu dapat dengan menangisi benda yang dah berlaku? Nothing!
So get up and fix things up. You define yourself."
Masa tu repeat Malaysian Law. Macam noob. Dapat 4.0 untuk paper worldwide genocide tapi Malaysian Law hampeh. (Ada cerita di sebalik kegagalan M'sian Law so saya tak ambik port sangat)
Tapi kan, percaya tak, selepas saya buat balik paper M'sian Law dan dapat result yang boleh la~ beberapa bulan kemudian saya dapat tawaran Universiti Malaya. Law jugak.
Saya ingat lagi lecturer saya pernah cakap saya takkan layak masuk UM. Rasa macam nak fax surat tawaran tu ke offie dia~ ahaha!
Masa tu jugak mak ayah izinkan saya buat keputusan sendiri. Law bukan bidang saya. Saya berminat dengan benda2 sociolinguistic~ benda noob yang tak datangkan keuntungan~ makanya, saya pilih bidang yang mengizinkan saya untuk buat banyak kerja.
Alhamdulillah, pada mulanya, mak ayah macam tak suka. Satu semester menadah telinga. Tapi, sabar je la kan ?
Bila dapat result, mak ayah orang paling gembira. Dapat 4.0~
Masa tu ramai tak tahu saya pernah gagal. Saya pernah repeat paper. Saya pernah kecewa gila. Saya dimaki hampir 6 bulan dan saya biarkan usaha saya berbunyi. Ia makan masa tapi bak kata orang putih, worth it smile emoticon
Tapi gagal sekali bukan alasan untuk berhenti mencuba. Usaha tangga kejayaan.
Last sekali, [You define yourself or who y
Once again, I have to close my eyes and keep doing my work. I think I found my road but it is too early to presume.
All I have to do is relax. Don't be afraid of future. Take care of present.
Because whatever you do now, determines who you are tomorrow.

*************************************************************************************

Stop dreaming and start working.
Sometimes planning is easier than working the plan. Once a failure, makes you human.
[Once a repeater, makes you successor.]

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

I love to watch how people submit their body and soul to the sadistic fate only to be a masochist of life~

That's my term of SM.
Sometimes people thought I'm really into it when I just analyse their inner thoughts.
Well, aren't I Sigmund Freud~?

Monday, March 9, 2015

Sometimes, when I meet the kind of people, the broken people, I just . . . want to hug them.

Hug them so they can feel the presence of care and love.

Words won't work on them. They heard a lot of words.
"Be strong." ,
"Be patience",
----but nobody ever show how.

It's okay if they cry. It's okay if we just embrace together in silence.

As long as they feel the presence of care...
As long as they know someone has been there....and survived...
As long as they feel secure....even for 10 minutes...
Yes, as long as they can ease their guard...

We just want to know comfort zone. We just want to be safe.

These people have been strong. They tried to be like others. They wondered how people hide their emotions. They wondered if others feel the pain they feel.
Depression can kill. Yes.

Be ready to sacrifice your negative thoughts. Be ready to replace with positive thoughts.

Prepare your ears for the best of words, teach your eras to repel the worst of words.

Pretty or ugly, confidence comes when you believe in yourself. People can say whatever they want, even in good or bad, as long as we believe in ourselves, keep holding to it.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

"Mengajak sahabat pergi Times Square lebih senang daripada mengajak sahabat pergi majlis ilmu"

Keenakan ikan bakar yang dibakar sendiri oleh abah dan aku tidak membejatkan perkongsian ilmiah di meja makan. Seperti biasa, mama mendiamkan diri. Seperti biasa, aku sentiasa mempunyai luahan dan pandangan mengenai sesuatu isu. Seperti biasa, abah akan mendengar dan menjawab persoalan aku.

Sambil meratah ikan bakar tersebut, aku meluahkan rasa terkilan dengan sahabat-sahabat di kolej.
Aku tidak mempunyai sahabat yang boleh diajak ke majlis ilmu. Yang tidak kisah untuk merakamkan video Arab di pondok. Yang boleh diajak berbual tentang ilmu dan isu semasa.

Ya, aku seorang yang sangat membosankan. Hanya bercakap apabila perlu.
Susah hendak istiqamah mengikut sunnah apabila kita berseorangan. Akan ada suatu masa aku akan ikut mengumpat dan akhirnya umpatan memakan diri dan merosakkan hubungan antara insani.
Apabila aku bernekad untuk berubah, pasti akan terdengar suara mengatakan terlalu lambat untuk aku berubah. Benda sudah berlaku. Nama kau sudah tercalar. Teruskan perbuatan kau kerana sudah terlambat untuk bertaubat.
Itulah suara syaitan.

Allah itu Maha Pengampun. Dan aku cuba mempercayainya. Aku bimbang aku termurtad tanpa sedar, atau munafik tanpa sedar.
Tetapi pesan abah "Jangan bersangka buruk dengan Allah"
Percayalah Allah itu Maha Pengampun. Dan Allah pasti akan memudahkan perjalanan istiqamah hambaNya.
Kerana jalan ke Syurga itu tidak mudah. Sangat tidak mudah.

"Islam muncul dalam keadaan terasing dan ia akan kembali dalam keadaan asing,
maka beruntunglah orang-orang yang terasing."
Baginda Rasulullah pernah bersabda.

Orang yang benar-benar mengikut dan mendalami Islam, mereka ialah orang terasing daripada dunia. Dunia tak mampu menerima mereka sebagaimana mereka berusaha untuk menolak dunia.
Jika suatu hari kita buat keputusan untuk bertudung labuh dan berselubung abaya, apakah kamu yakin semua rakan-rakan kamu mampu menerima perubahan ini ?
Kamu tidak akan sama seperti dulu.
Tidak sama sekali.
Kerana orang yang menyayangi Allah dan agamaNya pasti menolak dunia. Mereka beribadah dan bekerja tetapi bukan dunia di hati mereka.
Dan mereka akan terasing kerana mereka berbeza dengan manusia-manusia lain.
"..maka beruntunglah orang-orang yang terasing"

"The world is an illusion. No matter how much you fight for it, in the end, it does not really matter."

Saturday, March 7, 2015

As a future teacher, yes, I have few dialogues in my mind that my students will ask.

'I Wonder by Jeannie Kirby'


"Teacher, how can we know wind when we cannot see it?"

Some things are meant to feel. Although we cannot see it, but we can feel it.

"How to feel the wind?"

It surrounds you now, darling. It keeps the room comfy. Whenever the wind blows, you will feel chill. When the wind roams calmly, you will feel warm. But when the wind does not blow, you will feel hot. The wind is made to feel because we cannot see it.

Can you feel love?

"No."

Then how do you know your mother loves you?

"She cooks for me and prepares me to school."

How do you it is love?

"Because she take care of me. I can feel it!"

See? Some things are meant to be feel. 

Friday, March 6, 2015

If you ask me the thing I fear, I will say....[FRIENDSHIP]

Friendship is both a bless and curse.
Today, you're a friend. Tomorrow, each of you learn a mistake. The day after, you're a stranger.

I can't recall how many biographies or stories that show a friend stabbing another.
When the person smiles at the one he called friend, the friend quietly stabs him with poison needle.
Then the friend walk away....leaving the person suffers the pain....with two choices.
To accept the fact that he is betrayed.
Or to revenge.

Less people decide to pay the debt. Because they love the person. It hurts. We're dying. But, the love is too strong that we cannot do the same to the friend.

Some people cured from the poison.
Some people died from tasting it.

I couldn't (or, wouldn't) recall the memories of betrayal.

I believe in friendship. I held strong to loyalty. I believe that we're friends until forever.

Maybe it is my fault for believing.

Thus, each days, I kill my emotion. I forced myself to survive. I tortured myself to live alone. Stop depending on others.

Cutting ties from people.
Maintain in low level.
Could not express anything on friendship.

I love the taste of friendship.
But I've died for several times.....in the name of friendship.