Saturday, August 17, 2013

More Sleep for Lonely People XD

Assalammualaikum and peace be upon you :)
How're ya doing , fella ? May all of you have great days~~

The second statement is relating to my condition now :D

Lately , I've been laughing too much . Even on silly little things and my family find it quite annoying XD
And sleep !
I've been sleeping like I didn't get one !

I don't know why . I've been tired . Emotionally disturbed . But I still can act like nothing happened . Even my sisters can't figure out bout his death .
They thought I had a fight with him . And we'll cool soon .
Yeah . . . . it sadden me , anyway .

I'm worrying too much . That's that . And dad's company is on edge . So , as the eldest , I have to make a move for a new business (just like he wished and we planned) .
But you know , I'm still crying over his death .
It's been months but I really can't take it . It's . . . kinda hurt me when Takasugi mentioned myself as his girlfriend .
Just like what he told him .
. . . . . I can't survive if I keep bearing him that close .
Lets just be friend .
Then stranger .
Like a cycle of breaking up~~ but you still can see your ex lingering with his life~ but mine ? Nope .

Mom even noticed about my condition .
FIRST , she's a mom . MY MOM <3 p="">SECOND , she's a lecturer~ psychology---- no , abnormal state in psychology .
The subject is fun ! I enjoyed myself reading on her books when I was a child . Thus , the development of interest in schizo study was derived from her~

And this is another problem of mine .

I love investigation . I'm looking for a future which might harm my family .
Such as forensic .
Come on~ I've said this before when I was 14 . "The world is getting crucial . Soon , we'll be busy with unforgivable scenes ."
Dad was a special cop . He knows how things go inside . So , he kinda disapprove my ambition .
Lawyer . He allowed me to be one . But I don't like lawyers . Right after I know that we have to defending even a criminal . There are exceptions on that but you'll be in big troubles . And convincing people about hidden facts or additional info ??
They said Honest and Justice can't survive . You need Trick . And I'm getting enough of it .

Oh see ? I've wrote everything here~ and nobody will read this . So glad XD

If and only if Nicchan have time like he used to be . If Kori-chan isn't that busy . If I can be playful like I had with Rin-chan , Neko-chan and BriBri . . .
Perhaps I won't be lonely .
Perhaps I can get over his death .
And get over every sarcasms and criticisms I had after he left .

When he was alive , I used to sleep for 3 hours per day .
But I don't mind . And I didn't get tired .
Because I was happy .
I know I have someone to rely on . After each of them get busy with life .
He's busy too . He told me about his work . His life . His crazy housemates . Boro-chan XDD
But .
He never forget to send greetings .
Day greetings . Night greetings .

That's why I don't feel really lonely .

I have him with me .

Let the world set fire on us . As long as you're here , I know I can survive .

Best friend ?
Like I said , I know they are busy . Sometimes I'm too afraid to send them a Hi because I'm afraid that it might disturb them .
But Koshiro . He's an exclusion .
Because he often seek time for me . Even when I hurt him badly /REAL.BAD/ but he never give up !
I really don't know what's inside his mind .
But I guess . . .  That's love . For him .

Whatever it is , I must try to get over all this things and live with my parents .

I don't have dreams like most of my friends .

As long as mom and dad in peace , I'll be in peace too .

Monday, August 12, 2013

The day you slipped away

Na na, na na na, na na

I miss you~ miss you so bad~
I don't forget you~ oh it's so sad~
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away~
Was the day I found it won't be the same

Na na na na na na na

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't

I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same

I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by

Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go,
Somewhere you're not coming back

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same no..
The day you slipped away
Was the day that I found it won't be the same oh...

Na na, na na na, na na
I . . . miss . . . you

Monday, August 5, 2013

I confess~ and get more likes ! Why ? You jealous~?

Peace be upon you , people :)

Ohyeah , I'm back again~ am too busy and pretty stuffed .
And now , I got sick again ):

Okay , so I'm kinda active in Youtube lately . And for most of Youtubers , they must have experienced such thing like 'write stuff /real stuff in mind/ on comment box and get more likes' .

Sometimes you just don't expect on it since it is not your intention .
Sometimes /okay for a person like me/ , we need a space to voice out . It's difficult to utter all those words that scratched our own soul , so we write~

And I was commenting on a song~ which is a quite memorable song to me~ and I get more likes .


. . . .  I don't even know how !

I mean , there are lots of people who posting more tragical stuffs there and I got more likes than them .

And so , yeah~ people will encourage us , giving advices . . . that's what I like about Youtubers :)

And some people who tend to be haters . They will adding Fuck , Bitch , Motherfucker , lots of nice-to-read-and-get-words~ and end with , 'Ain't get more likes with this !'

Uh-uh~ you jealous , I know~

If I wanna get more likes , I'll go with more scrambling , pathetic words and you'll never understand a shit bout it .

Could you , Youtubers and any social website users , to be respect ?

If you can't yourself into their pathetic shoes then leave .
Or at least , come with an idea of lifting up the person's spirit .
I may be strong but there are lots of pathetic , lowest people who can't get that shit over their head and throw a tantrum and suicidal .
Oh come on~ it's slice of life~

I'm not too young to begin with .

All I did to my friends who love to rants and whatever is UNSUBSCRIBE them .
Or approach them .
But most of the time , I'll just unsubscribe . It's same as hiding so it won't appear in my newsfeed again .
For YT , I'll check out which messages that give intelligent replies then I'll entertain them .
So , mostly I don't reply people who come out with this
"You bitch just trying to get attention"

Oh come on . Who give a heck about likes ???

. . . . . kay . This is war , dude .
Let them be >BV

Shut up , Derek !

Oh btw~

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Ramadan almost leaving . . . and I'm stress here !!!

Assalammualaikum and peace be upon you :)

Yah~ am so glad that am still alive until now .
Still breathing and inhaling the polluted air~ listening to every nagging~

In less than 5 days , we'll be celebrate Hari Raya or Eid Mubarak .
And as far as everybody know about my latest-unwanted-career , so some people are lucky enough to experience this stuff :)

Making baju kurung~

Yeah~ raya nak dekat kot . Slalunye time sepuluh malam terakhir Ramadan ni , saye bleh duduk dengan tenang~ baca Al-Quran sampai khatam , buat kuih raye , biskut raye , decorate house~
That was me when I was a student .
I can't experience those usual things on Ramadan when I was a part-timer , and now as a tailor .

Sakit hati ngan tailoring ni .

For some reason , mostly due to my health condition , I'd face some difficulties in sewing all this stuff .
I've done with curtains for the whole house~ and some people know about the sickness I had during 3 weeks of Ramadan , and depression .
People will never stop judging us =___=

And now , I'm doing 3 projects~ all due date on Monday .

And problems occur .

Mom can't wear the baju kurung because the armhole is inadequate

But when I checked back on draft paper and retrace to make the inseam smaller , IT STILL DIDN'T WORKKKKKKKKKKK------

You see , I still have to comple 4 more juzuk and time is getting shorter .
Baju melayu moden still have to be fixed on the front (buttons) . And now , I'm so worried of Mak Muza's baju kurung .
All thankful to one failure dress .

Oh sorry . It's the third . Before that I tried to make baju kurung Riau . And funny is , the cloth is too miserable and I'd make several-damn-silly-mistakes which I want to forget .

And again~
Don't ask why I never come back to that place .
The depression I talk about is again , about people's hopes .
People keep pressuring me with their hopes and never try to listen to what I want . And my kareshi . . . . the longing decreases since I've deleted all our messages .
Am so regret for not listening to the higher-up , for not listening to kareshi , for not thinking further about it .
If and only if I accepting study offer from UPSI , learning Software Engineering , InsyaAllah I won't suffering such things like now .

The situation is pressuring enough------

And I keep regretting for not accepting STF after UPSR  . . . because I'm so afraid of bully . . . and not applying MRSM when I'm qualified for it . . . because I'm so afraid of bully and living faraway from parents . . . . am envying my friends who studying abroad . . . .
I used to say I wanna be a detective .
I wanna join Forensic .
But parents doesn't allowed me to .
I love investigation . . .  and investigating on stars !
Astronomy is an interesting subject 8DD
Too bad I wasn't the best student in Science Stream |DD

I'm so regret of my future now .

I hate sewing . . . . Always skipping ERT sewing classes . . . .  reason why I stay in GM ?
Because I never had fun with my classmates .
Used to have SZERS but I was a fool . Real fool that I wasted on our friendship with silly things .
In GM , everything was fun ~! Real fun that I don't even care about my future .
Back then I've relied too much on kareshi . With hope and no doubt :)

 But after graduation , after auntie told us a real untold story , I've become wary on people there .
My classmates are  exclusions .
Truly said , if you don't like me then tell me . Straight/on/the/face . You don't have to act nicely and pretending !
Because it broke my trust on you !
I hate musuh dalam selimut . Keep that in mind . And I'm no longer a Law student . Keep that in mind .

Geez . . . gotta get back on work . . . am so depressed with all problems I have now . . . really need a space to let it out . . . (but he's gone . . .) . . .ganbatte , Tasya =w=b