Wednesday, December 21, 2011

To a friend . . .suicidal note

She's not a close friend . I don't even know her that much . We never talked after the separation happens .
Everytime I read her written hearts , I know she's in trouble . But miserable person won't listen to others . So I take an option to read and remain silence .
Her last words which contains suicide and world makes me worried . But I knew , she'll stay there . In the miserable world . Because a girl like her would just argue without taking a note on our lesson .
Until she's gone .
I had a feeling that she's committed suicide . I feel sorry for her . Even if I taught her how to survive , she doesn't remember me . It's not a very long time . Even them. . . . only some of them remember me .
A leftover will remain behind .
Who knows , in this meantime , I will come back , with a new personality , so no one will know me (I hope .)
Today , the pictures of our outing remind me to her . It takes a lot of memories which lead me to her blog . Thank Godness ! She's still here ! In this world !
. . . . . . and she's still not change .
I miss her . I miss them . I'm sorry for causing it to happen . I'm sorry for everything .
To her , please stay alive until Death come . Just do whatever to survive in Afterlife !
To them , I will come back as a stranger . I will start the whole thing with a smile . I will try my best to laugh and not cry .
To myself , please stay strong and be brave . -A.NasTaSya-

Sunday, December 18, 2011

My Very First Comic Fiesta *LoveLoveLove*

COMIC FIESTA~~~~~~!!!!


DREAM COMES TRUE <3 nbsp="" p="">

















*Will edit this later. Something strange happen to my blog after been hacked* >"<

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Trip to Palace of Justice~!

Went to Palace of Justice.
And too many things make me think. If I study hard to get 4.0 and be an attorney general , or maybe a judge , I can live in the palace , can I ??
The truth is~~~ the design and facilities in the palace make me sooooooooo SPEECHLESS !!!

Can I update myself with 'Works as Legal Novice at Palace of Justice' ?

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Pursuit the 211 Hours XDD

Congratulations to all debators and runners~~ I was there when we reached our goal~~ Full of joyous~!! Imagine that we have to work for 24 hours non-stop before it reached 222 hours !!
So freaking tired now....haha~ thanks for all the memories and commitment~~ 

Prepared for late night debate . Might sleep for 4 hours only before continue for final slot , tomorrow morning~ hope we can stay awake at 3 am~

Thursday, November 24, 2011

23/11/2011

Heyya~
Yesterday , I met mummy , daddy and aunties~~~ so happy~!!
First time meet daddy~~ XDXD

And as usual, we’re talked about our lecturers. On this second semester aka final semester, we get lecturers who were not taught as last semester. As I got their lecturers , they got mine. And of course, one of our favourite lecturer, Madam Z.

I was laughed like the whole world is mine when they told me about their first lecture with her!

Yes! She’s SUPER HARSH but REALLY NICE!! Her words might kill you but it’s a motivation for you, in a harsh way, that’s all.

They’re asked me how to prevent self from being asked by her or scolded by her. Super simple~ complete your work but not just complete. You have to care about your grammar, university-standard-language and please come an hour early. She’ll close the door or else call you to make sure you attend her class.

Super scary huh?

I was, once, came late (5 minutes late!!) and she closed the door eventhough she can hear us screams for mercy. We were so damn panicked and we kept knocked on the audi door. All she did was stand there , bows and waved her hand at us!

We were sevens and five of us were laughed like hell!
Who can imagine someone could waved her hand at us while we’re begged for entering her class???

But then , she went outside and they (inside) unlock the door and let us in.
Still, we can’t forget those moment so much XDXD

And yes, I’ve heard a lot of bad gossips about her… (Mane ade gossip yang baik, yang oi!)

………….

Until daddy told us that she have a reason for that. And the reason, however, quite resemble mine.

She loves accounting so much but her parents forced her to learn law.

And that’s why, she releases her unsatisfaction and anger towards her students.
She did not talked much when she’s down but her action tells us what do she want.
She’s pretty cute and her eyes always tells a hidden secret.
And that’s the secret….

I was silent for a while.
Her story reminds me to myself.

I was 13 years old when my dad want me to take over his company. I was forced to learn Engineering, managing institution of engineering and being mature when I’m not into it.
I’m not that intelligent but every single things that I did, it’s not like all teens in my age can do it. So, people always admires my spirit. So so.
And who can imagine a 17 years old girl can join the great university in Islamic Law while pursuing based Engineering?
I was so stressed and I can’t simply tell everybody what I want.
My life, my everything, it’s all my parents.
And I know someday….
I will lose my own will….

And yeah, I can’t give all in and out. I was confused and stressed. I know I can get more than 4A.
Eventhough my English SPM has been signified as the Best Example for 2011, for the whole Selangor, and I’ve make my parents so damn proud of me, still, my super dopey marks are overshadowing me.

-sigh-

Why must I remember all of those harsh times?
Why must I let people know about me?
Why must I listen to others and not my heart?

People always say I’m stupid. Indeed yes. I am.

…………

After that, we’re separated for Debate 211 Hours ‘s preparation.

I took all my orders and go back to my swamp~~

Debat 211 Jam??

You want to know my position?

I will be Yang di-Pertua and Penjaga Masa for 2 days, for 2 slots. Yes, 2 slots for 4 hours~

Mind to watch us at RTM 1 , Astro Oasis , Astro Bernama ,Youtube Debat 211 Jam UiTM and Utusan Melayu’s newspaper.

Wish us luck~ I’ve seen all crews getting mad for first 2 slots and that’s so hillarious~ XDXD
Starting today, we'll break our record which is DEBATE for 211 HOURS.
And I'm one of the participant; as YDP and Time Keeper for both Saturday at 8-12am.
You can watch us at RTM1, Astro Oasis, Bernama, OctoOnline and Utusan newspaper.
Your support is the best pleasure 
UiTM di hatiku~~!! 

Saturday, November 19, 2011

The Night of Terror~~~Muahaha

-gasping for air-

Hah! Hah! Hah!

-coughs-

W-What happen to me??

I can't breathe! Properly!

Feels like someone is stomping on my lungs and break my rib cage apart!

-coughs , breathe hard-

What's wrong with me??
Am I facing the symptom of....STRESS??

I almost cry when I can't feel my inhalation and I can't close my eyes!

Have to sleep...now.

Tomorrow will be the beginning of semester 2------ I mean, final sem since I'm taking a fast track programme (foundation).
See? My second sem aliasmy final sem..

What am I scared of??

Yes...

I failed to get the best pointer. Mine is the worst. Yet, people still say I'm the best.
They're still putting hopes on me....
They're still reminisce every single of my little victories that I know ,only SILLY will be happy for it.

Hey, that SILLY knows how to be gladful. God still bless us eventhough we're silly and dopey ;P

..........

-sigh-

Next sem....

I will face two final semester , Law and Islamic Law.

Yes...I was too lazy last sem and both studies show declinationof my marks.
I was appeared as the best student and in the middle of study, I've become dopey.

LoL...

I should never give up. That's all.

By the way , I'm waiting for this two songs to finish downolading.

Eh? What song??

Song of The Sun and The Moon - Sun Yi Wondergirls (Il Wol Ji Ga)
&
Love You Like A Love Song - SelGom

Why SelGom????

Naa~~~~ I have a not very good attitude towards popula people~~ that's all ;3

Perhaps will not online recently there. I have to catch up with Law stuff and too much Hikayatus to recite. -omgomgomg-

Demo saa~ I'll be back soon or later.... as usual lol :))

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Whoever you are , Please remember your mom



Ahh~ in my age now , I've started to miss my mom so badly eventhough she just away for 3 days.
Can't imagine what will happen to me if she have to move to Australia for 3 years.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Well, Reality and Fantasy are two different things eventhough they are attached with Life.
Some of them are parallel to eachother and some of it are perpendicular.
One side of denial and one side of acceptance. In my case, my fantasy is my words and my life is non-different than trying to be the best among the best.
Por favor, tome nota.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

. . . . . . . .

Jangan mengasihani kita kerna. . .ia tanggungjawab kita.
Dikala bisikan syaitan menyerang jiwa, selubungan sutera putih menjadi perlindungan.
Nescaya jiwaku tenang dalam gempita.
Sehampar baldu menjadi pilihan, sebagai tempat luah tangisan. . .



Kita mencemburui rakan2 kita yg bebas pergi ke mane saja. . . Kita mencemburui sesuatu yg dipanggil 'Dunia'.

Kerna kita tidak memperolehinya. . . .



Im not a good child for all the time. I may obey, remained silence and non-complain but am I doing it with whole of my heart? Am I happy with decision that 'as a somebody', I can't deny it? I need a time for myself...for a paranoid like me, I really need a time to do anything for myself.. It's the only wish that I can't utter.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Aku Merindui Kehidupan Lampauku

Entah kenapa , aku rase jauh .. sangat jauh daripada Maha Esa...

Aku merindu kehidupan aku yang dahulu.
Sebelum aku menjadi akrab dengan Facebook dan dunia cosplay, aku merindui hidup aku dahulu.

Di mana agaknya diri aku menghilang?

Seorang gadis yang sangat naif , yang kasar dan sentiasa mengucapkan kalimah suci Al-Quran....
Seorang yang pendiam tapi berilmu , seorang yang komited dan penyabar... di manakah dia sekarang??

Hari tu aku pergi masjid Biru dan aku ambil kesempatan untuk berehat sebelum pulang ke kolej.
Ketenangan yang sudah lama aku tak rasakan....
Ya... aku merindui ketenangan itu.

Jika dilihat kembali diriku yang dahulu dan kini, mungkin lebih elok yang kini kerana mengikut rentak semasa. Tetapi aku dapat merasakan sendiri cahaya itu pudar. Cahaya?

Ya. Cahaya keimanan.

Entah sejak bila aku pandai berbohong. Pandai mereka cerita. Pandai berdusta.

Aku tau tu semua dosa tapi....demi sebuah kebebasan yang dah lama sangat aku idamkan, aku sanggup berbohong.

Teladan pernah berbicara "Andainya kenalan kenalan kamu mendorong kamu kepada kegembiraan tetapi sepanjang masa kamu berdosa, maka jauhilah kenalan2 kamu itu. Pilihlah kesedihan jiwa yang menjamin kamu sebuah syurga."

Al-Quran tidak pernah ku lupakan tetapi berapa kerap Al-Quran itu muncul dalam hati?
Berapa banyakkah keagungan lelaki itu sehingga mampu menggantikan cintaku pada Allah swt?

Dulu aku tak pernah sebut 'Fuck' , 'Shit' , 'Bodoh' , 'Bangang' , Lu...wa...lu....wa...' , etc   ....tapi sekarang?

Dulu aku boleh berbicara tentang fiqh , besertakan ratusan hadis yang aku kumpul dan hafal beserta ayat2 suci Al Quran yang aku hafaz tetapi kini?
Kenapa susah sangat untuk aku mengingati kalimah kalimah syurga walhal terlalu mudah untuk aku mengingati rentak2 lagu yang lagha??

Aku merindui gelaran 'Budak Baik' , 'Anak Solehah' .....

Biarpun abah selalu cakap "Along anak yang baik. Abah sayang along."  tapi kalau belakang abah, along dah mencipta ratusan penipuan, layak ke along berasa bangga dengan pujian tu?

Adik aku tutup aurat, menjaga setiap helaian rambut dia. Tetapi aku?

Di luar rumah, aku bertudung. Di perkarangan rumah, aku menayangkan rambutku yang tak lawa ni.

Entah kenapa, aku merindui kehidupan lampauku....terlalu rindu....

Andai cahaya itu masih wujud untukku, dengan hati yang terluka dan terpaksa, aku akan meninggalkan impian aku untuk menjadi cosplayer , impian aku untuk menjadi seorang yg terbuka. Impian untuk segala-galanya.

Aku . . . merindui kehidupan lampauku . . . dimana ketenangan itu merupakan sebuah ketenangan dan kepastian itu menjadi ketakutanku . . .

Peluang untuk kembali sentiasa ada tetapi . . . aku akan kehilangan semua yang aku sudah kecapi kini . . .

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

MUET: Speaking session...

omg... it's today. And finally I can use my lappy for something *huggy huggy* ;A;

Maybe I can write fluently better but....when it come to speaking, I will fail. OTL

That because I don't like to speak. Because when I began to speak, people will hate me.
Maybe my voice annoy them because I have a similar voice like Rani Mukherjee (HAHAHA!!) without pretty pretty face, or maybe my bored slang, or probably my stupid style of communicate... don't know.

I just hope for a miracle today... since I've caught a fever... and it still goes on.... *cough cough*

Anyway, hope all of you have a very fine day ~

I will post my previous stories which I obtained from my files yesterday. My examination files during high school and secondary school.

-sigh- ....what a memories...

Friday, September 23, 2011

Unreachable Dream

You guys know right?

Cosplay is my favourite activity eversince I know anime and Madam Red is my the most favourite character because....it does suit me well.

But then, I have lost desire for it.

Maybe because, I have lost the reason for it.

Everytime I give up, something will encourage me and support me to be among of the fantasies. I like it. But...sometimes, there's a dream that should be left behind.

Nothing to say. I'm sleepy and sad. Too sad.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

First, I don't know you.
Second, I don't want to know you.
Third, I don't need to know you.
Fourth, I don't have to know you.
Fifth, I don't think it's compulsory to know you.
Thus, I think you know how less important you are in my life.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Shopping @ Tesco XDDD

 Tapi mommy tak ikot skali ;w;

Papepun , mommy tau la anak2 mommy ni hebat2~~ bleh berdikari :P